So earlier today a friend posted an article on a mutual friends facebook page, it was about The Right way to Talk to Young Girls about Beauty. In it the author talks about visiting friends with his young daughter, and a discussion ensued as a result of the host paying the 5 year old a compliment about her beauty. There had been an article circulating the internet about avoiding the topic of beauty or body looks with young girls, and talk about everything but. According to the article you are suppose to comment on their intellect, or what they are doing, but avoid topics about looks at all costs. The author of the above article is a professor who lectures on topics such as body issues in his classes, and as a result of one such class discovered that as a result of people avoiding the topic of beauty, we ended up on the other end of the spectrum and actually ended up dismissing beauty, fashion and looks in such a way that they dismissed the girls who were interested in such things. As one of his students explained:
"The message I got — from teachers even more than other students — was that smart girls don't care about clothes, and girls who care about clothes aren't smart. I said ‘fuck that.'"
This article really got me thinking. I'm all for beauty, and I'm all for strong willed, intelligent well rounded women, and I strongly believe that they can easily be mutually exclusive, and I feel I'm a pretty good example of such a thing. But I know that I have also kept my two worlds seperate for fear of lack of respect in regards to my "Trade"
I'm a makeup artist and hairstylist, that's no secret, but what some people may not know, is that I am also Research Director for a Market Research company. I manage a call center of about 40 employees. Only 2 of my employees know that I'm a makeup artist, or that I have my own company. And I guess the reason for that is because so many people have diminished makeup and hair as such trivial "ditzy" things, that I feared that if my staff knew that that was who I was, I would lose their respect as their boss.
I'm smart, logical, witty, and a great problem solver. I'm also excellent at blending eyeshadow colors, and I can use a curling iron like no-one's business, but I know that "Makeup Artist" doesn't' get the same Ooos and Awwws that "Computer Programer" gets when you start talking trades. Which bothers me.
When I in grade 5, I wanted to be an Artist, or a Hairstylist, and I distinctly remember my father asking me "are you going to live in a cardboard box too?" That stuck with me for years, and as much as I loved what I could do, I had resolved that in order to be successful I needed a more structured, socially accepted job. My parents even insisted that I take computers in junior high and high school because "that's the way of the future". Which is true, but I think they were hoping I would go into more of a computer related career.
Years later I enrolled in Theatre at U of C and my father questioned my High School Drama Teacher, asking him "so what, is she good enough to be successful at this?" (My father was sometimes a little more blunt than eloquent). I grew up with the knowledge that at least in our house, Computers were respected (my Programmer Brother could do no wrong) and Art and Beauty was trivial.
Unfortunately, that was something that I believed. I loved it, and nothing made me happier, but I knew that "makeup artist" didn't get the same respect that "office admin" did on a resume, so I put it on the back burner. I could spend hours watching hairstyling videos online, or offer to do my friends makeup to go out everytime I saw them, but come Monday morning, I would put my brushes aside, and put on dress pants to go sit in an office. Ben actually changed that for me. Ben is a child of cheerleader parents. His parents are some of the most supportive people I've ever met, and they've raised their son to reflect some of those same qualities, so rather than Ben pushing me into a socially respected office job, he instead encouraged me to start my own company, and work toward doing my dream job full time. Ben, and his parents, his sister, my mom and countless other's have been nothing but supportive of me as a makeup artist, and have accepted my career as a professional skill that needed to be developed and honed like any other.
A world without art, design, beauty and fashion would be boring and quite devoid of culture. To have a well rounded world there needs to be people in every line of work, every trade, every career. And as much as I'm all for not giving little girls body issues, I think completely avoiding some topics can create just as much self esteem damage in the long run. Which is worse? Telling a little girl they look pretty? Or making them believe there is something wrong with them if they want to look pretty? Telling the chubby girl that it's better to be chubby than thin just alienates the naturally thin girls who cannot gain weight. Anytime you suggest that one "thing" is better than another, you run the risk of dismissing those that are on the opposite end of the spectrum. I know a woman who had two sisters but was always regarded by friends of the family as "the pretty one" so to avoid her thinking that she was "special" her mother took it upon herself to never compliment this woman, and to instead constantly shower her sisters with compliments. All this did was was create a little girl with horrible self esteem.
So what's the answer? In my opinion? Communication and open discussion. Talk about beauty as much as you talk about construction or event planning, or graphic design. When they have questions, answer them. Introduce your kids to all sorts of jobs, people, and experiences. Finding something that you are good at, and that makes you happy is one of the most amazing experiences you can ever have in your life, and I don't believe that anyone is entitled to belittle anything you choose to do. Boys dance, Men cut hair, girls weld, Women fight fires. If it makes you happy, then it's the most important thing in the world, and I support you 110%.
I don't have a little girl, but when I do - she will grow up in a world where there will be beauty. There will be curling irons and makeup, and hairspray and bobby pins because it makes me happy. Am I going to raise her with the opinion that you are nothing if you are not wearing makeup? Hell no. I don't even wear it every day myself. But I am going to raise her to be proud of who she is, to revel in her accomplishments, and to find something that makes her happy, and jump in with both feet no matter what anyone else has to say about it.
Excellent points; well articulated and well written. Cheers.
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