People who know me these days often say they find it hard to believe that I was ever shy, but it's true - I was, and AM quite shy, I've just learned to cope (and hide it).
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| Vegas Heather is not Shy... |
High school Heather, however - not so much.
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| Grade 12 Heather |
I was very quiet in high school, I only had two friends, and often they would ditch me and go out for lunch together without telling me, and I would eat my sandwich alone at my lockers. In Grade 10 I was hit by a car and broke both my arms, and people knew me as "the girl with two broken arms" but no one knew my name, and once I got my casts off, people still knew there had been a girl with two casts, but very few realized that it had been me. I was a wall flower at best. In English class some people discovered that I could understand Shakespeare, and I overheard a couple conversations where one classmate was trying to get their friend to ask me the answer to some of our Shakespeare questions, but neither of them could remember my name. My grade 12 Math teacher never learned my name either, twice I brought in a parent signature on a mid term grade, and he kept scanning the wrong class list for my name. Years later I would run into people from High school who would introduce themselves to me, and I would respond "I know, we had English together" or something of the like, and not once would they remember me.
Theatre and Dance however, was another story though. I was the most comfortable on the stage. I actually owe my coming out of my shell to the stage, I lived for the high I got from it, so I pushed myself in order to get that feeling. I threw caution to the wind and auditioned for the school play in my first year of high school and got a small singing roll, but my nerves got the best of me and my voice cracked every time I went to hit the high note each night we performed. As well, only one person in the cast took the time to come talk to me and learn my name. I avoided the wrap up party, because I knew I would be sitting by myself the whole time and would be miserable anyway. The second year I avoided the play, but I took the theatre class and pushed myself to be comfortable with Improv. At the start of the year I would dread being called up, but by the end I was the first to jump up on stage - even though I still chewed my nails down to nubs the whole time I was waiting to go up. In grade 12 not only did I audition for the school play, and get one of the leading roles, but I was captain of my own Improv team, and held the highest mark in both Theatre and Dance 3 years running.
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| "Delayed Reaction" My Improv Team |
As a result of my love for the stage, I went into the U of C Drama program and decided going in, that I would force myself to talk to people and make friends because I felt like I had been missing out on so much.
And I did.
The Drama Undergraduate Program had a lounge in the basement of Craigie hall where all the Theatre majors hung out between classes, and I made myself go in on the first day. My stomach was doing flip flops and I felt like I wanted to throw up, but luckily, if you are meeting new people, the best one's to meet are Drama people, as the group is generally made up of people who never really fit in as it was, so they are all very accepting of new people. I made fast friends, people who learned my name, and wanted to know things about me - not just the answers to my homework. I even auditioned for the lunch time Improv group and made the team! And it was signing next to my name on the call board that I met my best friend Anna. She had also made the team and was standing with a few others on the team trying to figure out who Heather was when I walked up with my pen in hand. When they saw me sign my name Anna exclaimed "Oh You're Heather!" And scooped me up into a big bear hug as a congrats for making the team!
Years later Anna would fly to Mexico with me and stand by my side as my Maid of Honor at my wedding.
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| From Left to Right: Dee, Busty, Anna and I |
Out of all of the experiences that have shaped who I am today, I would say the time frame in which I was in University is probably one of the most valuable. I did so much growing up within that time, and those walls, and learned so much about myself. In my 3.5 years, I had my first long term boyfriend, lost my father to a heart attack, stayed up till 7am with friends, went for drives to Canmore just to blow off steam at 3am, moved out with room mates, suffered heart break, spiraled dangerously toward chronic fatigue, made friends, lost friends, got A's, got an F, bought my first car, fought with room mates - the list goes on.
These days I have no problem asking for directions, or chatting up someone new, but I still battle with social situations, and often I automatically want to resort back into my shy self just to escape dealing with things. It's a constant battle but I'm very proud of how far I've come, and the person that my experiences have made me.
And just a side note of a cute "shy story"....
I met Ben online, and after several months of talking a few online friends had decided we would meet up for dinner and a party one night when a mutual friend was in town, so Ben came down from Edmonton. When I walked into the restaurant, there were hugs all around and a met a couple people in person that I hadn't yet met, and then out stepped Ben. He flashed me his bright smile, and gave me a big hug and I immediately turned 3 shades of red and stared at my feet! My thoughts raced but mostly they were saying "Holy shit! He's really cute! His pictures don't do him justice!" For the whole dinner, I resorted back into my shy self and couldn't make eye contact with him. I talked a mile a minute, and kept my hands in my lap to keep anyone from seeing that I was shaking. It took me the better part of the night to look him in the eye, and it wasn't until late evening when the rest of the party guests had turned in for the night that I could even carry out a conversation with him. We ended up talking all night, and when I left at 9am the next morning, I was smitten.
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| The night we met, can you believe I was having a small heart attack while this photo was being taken? |
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