This last week a dear friend of mine found out she was expecting her first baby, and with most pregnancy excitement comes questions - lots of questions. As I was fielding a few of them, I was told "You need to write this stuff down, I bet lots of people would want to know this!" ...so here it is!
I'm not saying I'm the authority, not in the least, however I do have a sort of "tell it like it is" mentality, and in the past people have expressed that they value the insider info I have given them - just keep in mind, any and all information I have regarding pregnancy, birth, and post birth is all my own experiences and research I've done. That's the thing, you can read about my thoughts on pregnancy, but these things were all specific to me - we are all different people, we all have different pregnancies. That being said, when I was pregnant I found getting the real deal experiences from other mom's was far more valuable than anything my doctor could tell me! So here goes!
Just so I'm not jumping all over the map, I'll try to write things as I think of them starting with the beginning, and following a pregnancy timeline.
So - you've discovered you're pregnant (or not - just play along)... Congrats! First things first - Celebrate. While it's true that miscarriage or other issues are a possibility, you will make yourself sick if you spend your whole nine months stressing and worrying, and at the end of the day, you will look back and regret not taking more time to enjoy the little things! When you see those double lines on that plastic test, allow yourself to squeal, cry happy tears and hug your partner! This is supposed to be a happy time! Live in that moment - there are countless woman and men all over the world praying for that very second that you are currently standing in - don't let it slip by without giving it some happiness!
Now....
I don't mean to burst your bubble, but the first few weeks are the rough ones, there are times when something doesn't go right and your body terminates the pregnancy through no fault of your own - often it just understands that something wasn't mixed right, or the blue prints are missing something important. This is why you usually find out someone is expecting when they are about 12 weeks along. 12 weeks is the golden mark - the beginning of the 2nd trimester, and although you aren't out of the woods, things are a little clearer. I would suggest only keeping your announcement list short in those first few weeks for this reason - I know you want to shout it from the rooftops (believe me I know) but if something were to happen, it's a much smaller group of people that you have to give the news to later on.
6 weeks is usually when the nausea kicks in. For me, it was 6 weeks to the day. I was totally fine one day, the next, I'm feeling like throwing up because Ben cooked stirfry with onions for dinner! From 6 weeks on, my taste buds and sense of smell were not my own. So if I can offer you any advice - if you are just in the early stages of pregnancy - eat. Eat everything. Have all your favorites! I found from 6 weeks on, I couldn't do steak - couldn't even smell it cooking (Much to my husbands dismay). Fish either - bleh. The only time I truly thought I was going to throw up during my pregnancy was when Ben served me fish for dinner one night. My mom told me she couldn't have "red sauce" (Spaghetti, curry etc) it was too acidic and would make her have serious heartburn. Eat all that stuff early.... just in case.
For me personally, I found my nausea was almost exclusively "Hunger Nausea" I would suddenly get so sick between meals - so I found I needed to prepare my life and keep cereal at work, crackers in the car, and candies in my purse. A pregnant woman should always ALWAYS carry food with her, even if you are just running out for a quick errand. One day we were driving from Edmonton to Fort Sask to have lunch with Ben's parents (about a 30 min drive) about 5 minutes into the drive I got hungry. Now for those of you who don't know - there is a HUGE difference between Hungry, and Pregnancy Hungry. When you are hungry, it can usually take you an hour or two to go from "yeah, I could eat" to "I'm starving!" For a pregnant woman you go from "I think I need to eat something" to "I'm going to knaw off your arm if you don't get me food right this second" in about 4 minutes flat. Ben laughed at me because about 2 minutes after expressing I was hungry, I started frantically searching the car, and looking in the glove box in hopes that I would find some forgotten hard candy, or some crackers. 2 minutes after that, I made him stop so we could get something. It literally happens that fast! I could go from "Thanskgiving Dinner Full" to "Missed Lunch, and starving" in 30 minutes.
When I first got pregnant I actually lost weight in the first few weeks, because I was trying not to do the whole "I'm eating for two" thing and gorge on food (since they tell you you actually only need about 200 more calories to account for baby), but as it turns out - I needed to increase my calories quite a bit more, as I've been dieting for so many years my body naturally runs on fewer, and the baby took them all - meaning I always felt like I was running on empty! Of course there is a difference between increasing calories with Oreos and with lean protein and veggies - make the right choice, you are responsible for feeding your baby, and there's nothing like giving your newborn Oreos.
And on the topic of healthy nutrition, do you know why you are told to cut back on caffeine during pregnancy? It's because caffeine cancels out the calcium in your body, and your baby needs calcium for proper brain development. So in those beginning stages, if you do opt for a coffee now and then, ensure that you are matching it with a tall glass of milk! Speaking of which, have you heard about those woman who have their babies kick so hard they crack ribs? It's not just because they are growing super babies - but more so that their little one has taken all the calcium in their body for it's own development, and your own bones end up a little more on the fragile side. When you are pregnant, you need to triple the amount of calcium you are consuming because baby always gets first dibs of everything - you get what's left over. I went through so much milk, cheese and yogurt during my pregnancy I probably could have gotten a bulk discount at a dairy farm!
You will also run at a higher temperature in the coming months - AC is important, so is large rubbermaid bins with cold water in them that you can cool your feet in on hot days. If you need to sleep with the window open, the AC on, and a fan going - do it - Hubby can have an extra blanket. I was pregnant during the summer, and from June through to October I didn't sleep in anything more than my own skin, nor did I even have a sheet on me. I typically run at a higher temperature pre-pregnancy, but my little bean had the same issue going on, and our combined heat made me feel a little feverish. Even in November when I was waiting for Inara's arrival, Mom and Dad would visit and bring sweaters and slippers, where as, I was waddling around in shorts and a tank top with my heat set at 18 degrees.
Your body will change. This is a given, but did you know your hair and skin will change too? Your feet will get bigger, your hips wider, your skin will produce more oil, your hair thicker, your forehead, neck, back, shoulders, cleavage and chin will all breakout, and you'll be dropping absolutely everything! The reason for this is Hormones. The extra oil is produced to help your skin stretch (dry skin being stretched hurts!) this is that "glow" everyone is talking about. I found I just looked greasy, and having lived my whole life with extremely dry skin, I didn't know how to handle this new found oil - my skin didn't either, hence the breakouts! Another perk to dry skin is very few acne issues - but oil = pimples, and they are everywhere! The bigger hips, feet and loose grip is a result of your body loosening your ligaments to make way for baby. I don't know the scientific terms for everything, but basically your body releases a hormone that stretches all of your ligaments - this allows your pelvis to seperate, your hips to slide out to enlarge the birth canal, and everything seems to rearrange to make way. Unfortunately this hormone isn't just lower equator specific, and you will find you are dropping everything you try to grasp, as your hands no longer have a tight grip on things. I once dropped a curling iron on a client while I was doing her hair - I was mortified, but having just had a baby of her own, she was completely understanding, and thankfully didn't get burnt!
As for the thicker hair - well, that's just awesome. No idea why it happens. I'm sure there is some scientific explanation but I don't recall stumbling across it during any of my reading. Either way, it doesn't matter why it happens, just enjoy is while you can. The odd thing is, I didn't just get thick hair - I got straight hair. I went from a head full of corkscrew curls, to not even needing to plug in the straightener before heading out for the day! A lot of moms I asked had their hair change slightly, from looser waves to a little curlier, or vice versa, but so far none have encountered a change as drastic as my own. I'm hoping Inara took a few of my curls, but my mom told me I was 2 before any sort of curl showed itself, so I guess I have a bit of time to wait yet.
Once you get well into your pregnancy, there's not really anything to report - just take each day at a time, embrace your waddle, and try to keep as active as possible - leg cramps suck - eat bananas and make sure you drink lots of water (yes I know that increases the frequency of your bathroom trips - but it's better than middle of the night calf muscle cramps - trust me. Your husband will thank you too). Oh, speaking of water - never drink the full 4 eight ounce cups of water before your ultrasounds. I had 4 ultrasounds in my pregnancy, and each time they had to get me to go pee so they could clearly see the baby - my bladder was too full and it was squishing her. You are pregnant, your bladder is smaller at the best of times! I think 4 cups is the requirement for non preggo's, and they didn't realize they should adjust the quantity for pregnant woman, Go for 3 cups - it's enough, and you will be less angry when they make you sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes before your appointment. Your husband will thank you.
Oh - that's another thing, this is his baby too - let him come to the prenatal appointments to hear the heartbeat, and go to every ultrasound to see them squirm and wriggle - they can't feel them inside, so this is a way for them to experience their childs life before they are born too! I also told Ben right off the bat, that I needed him to be with me just on the off chance we were ever told bad news - I would need the support, and there is no way I would be able to drive myself home after hearing something was wrong. Thankfully we never got bad news, but I was happy to have Ben by my side through everything anyway.
A Note for the Husbands:
At this point in her life, that awesome cool, chill person you fell in love with is gone. She is emotional, she is high strung, she will burst into tears if you deny her a food she's been craving. She's also no longer in control of her vesel. If your "I'll eat anything" wife suddenly becomes the pickiest eater on the planet - take it in stride. Don't get mad at her, she can't help what tastes good, and what makes her want to go tearing down the hall to the bathroom. I know you spent all afternoon preparing her your special signature dish only for her to just want a PB&J sandwich, she's not doing it to offend you - I promise. As well, I know you are only trying to do whats best, but if you make a single comment about how much weight your wife has put on at any point in her pregnancy, she will go Black Widow on your ass. At one point at my bi-weekly checkups, a male intern came in to talk to me before my OB arrived, and noticed the 7 pound jump in weight I had between my appointments, and said "we're concerned that you have put on too much weight, so if you could not gain anymore that would be great". This particular week was the +35 degree week that hit Edmonton where I was retaining so much fluid my ankles packed up and left town, and I was only 20 weeks into my pregnancy (having only gained 16 pounds total). That comment ate at me for months! I stewed about it, talked about it, and rationalized my weight gain to Ben again and again, until finally Ben told me if he ever saw that guy again - he will take him out to the hall to have a little chat with him. Calling a pregnant woman fat is the WORST thing you could do - even in a joking manner. Your wife has a great sense of humour, but along with her taste buds, her emotions are not her own either, and considering she's already gaining weight at an alarming rate (something most woman spend plenty of their lives trying to prevent from happening) she's more than a little sensitive about her size, and she will not find the humour in making a beeping noise when she steps back, or suggesting a moo moo when she laments about not fitting clothes. Don't do it. Be sensitive to this crazy hormonal time in her life. Your wife will thank you.
....To Be Continued.... (I have so much more to say, and this is already a long post, so I'll save the rest for another writing session!)
